


he didnt make it.

by hannikitty



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28804569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannikitty/pseuds/hannikitty
Summary: spencer comes home. drunk. again. its different now.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Kudos: 15





	he didnt make it.

**Author's Note:**

> i was sad while writing this so Here Take It

spencer stumbled into his apartment, completely unaware of his surroundings.

whenever he got this drunk, he felt invincible. unstoppable.

but it never lasted for long. how could it. how could he forget everything for longer than one night just because he wanted it to go away. he might feel powerful now, but what's stopping his night terrors? whats stopping his flailing and kicking? whats stopping his wetting the bed? its embarrassing. even knowing that aaron was aware of it made him feel weak. powerless. disgusting. but he couldnt do much to stop it.

for now, he had control. as much as a blackout drunk could have. he never got aggressive with aaron. he couldnt. he could never even dream of it. dream of hurting him. hurting the person he loved most.

he didnt know how people did it. he didnt know how people could be so angry at anyone but themselves, have so much pent up rage towards people they supposedly loved and cared for. he couldnt fathom how someone could be so ruthless with another innocent human being.

aaron meant so much to him. but he didnt feel like enough. he didnt know why aaron even tolerated him. he came home completely wasted more often than not. yet aaron was there. felt nothing but compassion.

this time when he came home, aaron wasnt there. spencer felt his stomach drop. he knew why. it was their anniversary.

he forgot.

he got plastered. on their anniversary. hes disgusting.

walking around the corner to have a line of sight to the bedroom, he saw him. sitting on the edge of the bed. with his head in his hands. crying.

wait.

not crying.

laughing. 

spencer knew what this meant. he knew aarons habit of expressing his emotions in the wrong way. the profiler in him knew whaf this meant, but he didnt want to.

spencer reached the bedroom door before breaking into a sob in front of aaron. he dropped to his knees. he was so out of it, he barely comprehended what was going on.

and despite everything. regardless of how relentless his own negative thoughts were. aaron comforted spencer. he was being selfless.

not selfless.

codependent.

spencer pushed aaron away when he sat down next to him.

through tears, he told aaron no.

"you cant keep doing this to yourself. you arent taking care of yourself, you just take care of me like im a child that needs tending to or ill end up sticking a fork in the fucking toaster."

aaron was taken aback. he laughed again.

"what? what do you want me to say to that? what do you expect me to do when you come home, drunk out of your goddamn mind? on our anniversary? i wasnt even planning anything big. i just wanted a movie and some popcorn in our sweats on the couch. its all i wanted. i couldnt even get that. but now that im trying to help you, you deny it?"

spencer's breathing felt hindered. 

"you cant just keep helping me. im not going to keep forcing you to make sure im okay all the time. ill get all of my things in the morning when im sober. i cant keep hindering your life like this."

aaron just sat there. his legs crossed in front of his chest and his arms resting on them. he just stared at the wall. he couldnt think. he didnt know what he could be thinking. what is happening? what did spencer just say? what did he mean? logically, aaron knew. emotionally, he didnt understand.

"okay."

what? he didnt know why he said that. he didnt even feel in control of his responses. he sat there. staring. blank expression. no smile on his face. no frown. no disappointed look. numb.

he got up. he got up and walked to the living room with his blanket in tow. jack wasnt even home, he had been at a friends house in preparation for the possibility of aaron and spencer going farther than cuddling on the couch that night. the thought of that possibility made aarons stomach churn. what was he even thinking? he knew how this would end. he always did.

he lied down. he just wanted this to be a nightmare. he wanted to wake up and start fresh.

he drifted off to sleep.

not drifting.

jolting over and over.

before finally resting.

when he woke up, spencer was gone. most of his things. gone. almost like there was no trace of him having ever been there. out of sight, out if mind. 

spencer didnt show up to work that morning. aaron asked what was going on, with the unanimous statement of "i dont know" ringing in his ears.

spencer didnt show up again. he dissapeard without a trace.

until aaron got a call. it was from the hospital.

spencer had crashed his car into a wall. he didnt make it.

he didnt make it.


End file.
